On the ending of the year

As the dark nights set in, the leaves are pretty much all fallen and the heating is firmly on, things can be difficult. These signs that signify the passing of time are emotional when someone you care about is ill, especially if you know they are not going to recover. The seasons changing can leave you wondering whether this may be the last time they see autumn turn to winter. It might increase your worries about whether they will see another spring, or summer.

The seasons changing and the calendar pages make it hard not to reflect on the passage of time and the changes that this brings. As much as we may like to, it’s impossible to stop time continuing and to freeze the moment when things are okay. But this doesn’t have to be a cause of pain. 2020 has been such a strange year and a lot of the normal things we may keep track of that signify the passing of time have gone by with a whisper, not a bang.

We haven’t celebrated birthdays or anniversaries. We haven’t held weddings, parties, or celebrations. For many, this year has passed through quietly and we will have little to look back on to remember it other than as the year we all stayed inside. This isn’t the case when someone you love has been diagnoses with cancer. It’s been a year of worry and pain. Of fearing the future and the world around us. Maybe you are able to be glad that 2020 is ending and can leave it behind. But maybe 2021 holds just as much fear and unknown.

The year will end, and soon after, Winter will give way to Spring. We know that not everyone who saw in 2020 with us will be here to welcome 2021. This year, grief has been more apparent than ever before in most of our lifetimes. Loss is everywhere and most people are scared, or at least looking forward with trepidation, but maybe that is a reason to try and find something in every day to enjoy. It doesn’t have to be something significant, just a cup of tea together in bed in the morning, laying on the sofa to watch a film, or just a smile or nod hello as you cross paths with a stranger on the street. T

here are still good things, and we may be scared, we may in fact be absolutely terrified of what the future holds, but for now, we are here and we are trying our bests to get through. We at Ray of Light hope to be just that for you, when the long, dark nights drag on we are a reminder that there will be sunny days again, and that you are not alone.

Helping children to understand

When a parent or adult relative gets diagnosed with cancer, it can be hard to know what to tell children. Depending on how old they are affects how well they are going to understand anything complicated you try to tell them, but even a very young child will be able to understand some aspects of a cancer diagnosis so being open and honest is the best route to take. Children of all ages are very perceptive and are likely to fill in any blanks that they don’t know. This can be scarier than the reality sometimes and as a result it’s important to make sure children feel able to ask questions. Kids know when something’s wrong and it’s important that they trust you to tell them what’s going on. Continue reading “Helping children to understand”

Communication in relationships

We all know communication is important – telling people your thoughts and feelings is the only way they can really know your perspective, but that is easier said than done. When you are supporting someone with cancer, you may feel that you have to be the strong one. The person with the diagnosis is the most important person; their feelings, worries, desires are going to come first and mostly you will want to enable them and do whatever you can. Sometimes, when you’re so focused on someone else, the communication between you is damaged.

Continue reading “Communication in relationships”

Our Blog – Coping, Caring and cancer

Supporting someone with cancer

When somebody you love is diagnosed with cancer your whole world changes. The future you had expected is turned upside down and you’re facing a very different life to what you had anticipated. Maybe that future will still have them in it, sometimes you’re facing a future without them. Either way, things will be different.

Continue reading “Our Blog – Coping, Caring and cancer”

The launch of our new private Facebook group

We have started a new, private, Facebook group which is for anyone affected by cancer.

We know first hand how hard daily life can sometimes be, this is a safe place to share triumphs, struggles or simply to vent. Both emotional and social support can make a big difference and also gives you the opportunity to connect with people in similar situations.

This is a closed group where you can share in a safe and completely confidential space.

Come and join us!